Live journal? What is that?

Well, I've decided to switch. Ah, as much as I love xanga it just got really... eh. Needed a place where so many people weren't. And besides, all my childhood memories were there. And I couldn't break away from "child". Ew, I sound so serious. LOL. 

Well, I haven't written in a while though I should've. I'm too scared to say anything now. He told me I was paranoid. See, I know that. And I think I am too cautious too. I just have a reason to you know? I have this thing about me, that a single stain on my record in my mom's eyes I'd just die. I can't get caught twice. You'd think, two months already. Two beautiful months I should say. And I haven't been so happy in a long while. But... the whole time looking behind my back. I feel guilty. I haven't been able to give my all. 

And I hate that. A lot of my friends have this thing, a shame about filipino. And as proud as I am to be filipino, I do have to give them that. Filipino moms are so nosy. They always ask, "Oh, do you have boyfriend now?" As if that would make a huge stain on you. That'd make me a whore of course. "Oh, probably so and so has a boyfriend now." with the most popular girl with huge boobs from our grammar graduating class in the underline. Apparently, that's what's required. You know. Big boobs and no brain. 

Me? I can't love. Oh no. There just isn't someone out there who can love me for my mind. This is stupid! Parents think people my age are so shallow. All we want is to get inside someone's pants, they say. I want so bad to defend what beautiful thing I have. I'm one who wants to tell the truth, but with this I CAN'T.

Ugh, I've just been really bothered lately. About the bad qualities of some parents. Adults. Who supposedly are supposed to know everything. Last week when I went to the movies with Francine and Angelina, we stopped by for gas. And Angelina's dad reprimanded the guy for giving us gas before taking the money. "You shouldn't do that. Black guys this time of night can just drive away with the money." Or steal, or something like that. RAWR. This prejudice thing just won't go away will it? 

I feel so cluttered and everywhere. Maybe it's the heat and the mess on my bed and his away message has been on for the past 4 hours. "Out" Come back! I'm going crazy. Still, this 4 day weekend wasn't as bad as I thought. On friday, went for a walk with Francine and then to Angelina's sister's party for a while. I love that hammock outside her backyard/park. If I could I'd spend a whole day rocking myself and watching the tree leaves sway back and forth. Then we went to Jersey Gardens with Tita Conching and my mom. The four of us again, haha.  Ate at Johnny Rockets. Papaya is now one of my favorite stores. Colorful goodness for 7dollars, yo!

The next day, yesterday, was one of those days you'd think be eh but then turns out not to be. Rebecca had her birthday party upstairs, which was more than a month overdue. So I got to hang out with all the 7th graders and Ralph, the 8th grader my size. LOL. Actually, everyone there was taller than me. :[ But that's ok. Omg! Vihar was there! I haven't seen that kid since 7th grader. Whoah. Kid grew. Like up and sideways. Buffer, manlier. LOL. He's still little Vihar to me. So yea, stayed with Rogie and Vihar. Ah, I really wish I could hang out with my old friends more often. It was inevitable that we'd seperate a little bit, but not this much. Goodness, Rogie lives upstairs and this was the first time I've seen him in a month. 

Francine called me up and we went to Newport with Tita Conching, her dad and mom. Oh. My. Gosh. You know, when they ask why Francine always seems so "depressed" I friggin' know why and don't blame her at all.  It's not fair when you're 15 and forced to be the parent. Ah, I won't go into detail. I just wish my best friend would yell and speak out instead of hiding it. It was...so palpable I felt tears coming on from walking next to her. Annoyance. And then I felt like a horrible friend. I couldn't even comfort her, and then I make her a third wheel. ;[ We met at Babo and took a walk all around the pier, occasional skateboard hehe. But I think the night air was good. And my clumsiness broke the silence. Damn coins. xD

Came back home and spent the rest of the night upstairs talking to remaining 7th graders. In other words, coaxing them into High Tech. Wow. I remember that age so vividly, but considering what I know now. I sort of understand adults' superiority complex on kids. They've had their experiences. Well, let me make mine.

Today did nothing really. Woke up early to sing for church then went straight back to bed till 1:30. Went to Tita Tessie's for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Came home and Alissa and Keddy came over! I love Alissa, age 6 is such a wonder for her. And Keddy's a sweet little one year old. I really miss being Alissa's age most of all. The time I most remember, and felt most... I don't know. Real I guess. I guess I might say I'd love to be that age again. But then again, I would never want to give up what I know and the people I know for anything. 

Well, that's what happened so far. Oh I'm sorry, where are my manners?

I'm Riana. Let's be best friends, shall we? ;]